Surviving House Wifery

When we decided to move to Portland it was understood that Brian would work while I job hunted. I thought I would easily find a job within a month (Portland is a Mecca for nonprofits, right?). In the mean time I would unpack, write thank you notes, catch up on recipes I had been wanting to try, and generally do what I want. I committed myself to keeping a clean house and having dinner on the table when Brian arrived home from a long day of work. It all sounded very romantic, in a Leave it to Beaver kind of way.

And it was nice... for a while. You see, the problem was we had moved to a place where I knew no one. Had this arrangement taken effect in Santa Barbara, my days would be full of mimosas, adventures, and crafty time with the girls I love. Instead, I soon found myself out of boxes to unpack and thank you note to write. With no one to share them with, baked goods became my waistline's worst enemy. Our little, temporary condo provided no room for gardening. I was spending a lot of time with the dog. He is great and all, but not one for conversation. I wanted so badly to remain upbeat during this transition, not just for me, but for my husband. But I felt myself slowly taking steps down a dark path.

Malaise. Ennui. All of those deliciously French, extential words. I had 'em, and I needed to shake 'em. Here are the steps I took to help keep me sane while I looked for employment.

Step 1 - Make a schedule.
I reserve one day a week for homework; paying bills, making appointments, general home office tasks. Another day to deep clean the house. Another couple for job hunting and follow ups. I take the dog to the park at least 4 times a week. Laundry day. Now when I go to sleep at night I am able to think about what needs to be accomplished to following day. It is comforting and empowering to know what I am looking forward to.


Step 2 - Lay some ground rules.
Personally, I do not allow myself to watch TV during the day. It is easy to get sucked in to a show when there are no other "real" obligations needing my attention. Set your priorities and stick with them.
Step 3 - Contribute.
Have an impact on a person, an organization, an animal, something. Volunteer. it is surprisingly difficult to find an organization that will readily take on new volunteers. Even though many oreganizatons consistantly advertise for volunteers, they often don't need them. Be prepared for rejection when looking for volunteer work, but stick with it. Somewhere will be looking for your skills and help.

Step 4 - Find women in similar situations.
Luckily the company Brian works for hires people from all around the worlds. It was actually quite easy to find other women who had moved her for their husband's jobs, once I started looking. It was  difficult to get over my fear of putting myself out there socially, but once I did I was able to start connecting with some really neat ladies.  Try this website. It has been so helpful.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? I'd love to hear how you have beat the "stay at home blues."